Finding the Good in the Bad

This is probably the most important step in finding peace and joy in life despite having chronic health issues.  What is the good that has come out of your having chronic health issues?  If  you can find that and embrace it, you decrease the time you spend fighting your illness and instead, fully live in the moment, appreciating your life.  You will also more quickly be able to move towards your goals, because the weight of depression and resentment for what you think your life would be without chronic illness will no longer be there.

Here are some positives I have embraced over the last seventeen years:

Having chronic illness makes me a calmer, more peaceful person.  I do not have the energy to get upset.  I also do not have the energy to be excited.  That means that almost always when there is stress, I choose radical acceptance.  I let a lot of stresses roll of my shoulder.  If someone is rude to me, I probably will not say anything.  I probably will not care.  Here it is, ready?  Because my energy is limited, I refuse to give others the power to take emotional energy from my body unless I willingly choose to allow it.  I do not want to spend my energy on something negative.  That said, I also probably will not spend much time with those people.  I make sure that the people I do spend time with bring positive energy into my life and I into theirs.  Now, I am not talking about people who are sad or upset.  I can handle that.  I am talking about people who are demanding or who want to blame others or expect others to fix their problems. Your problem is not my job to fix.  Your anger is not my job to fix.  Your judgment of me is not my problem. That may sound harsh, but it is healthy.  Isn't that an amazing treasure my illness has taught me!  Healthy internal boundaries, not giving away my emotional power, I would not trade that outcome of my illness for my physical health.

You will find that this is not just about people though.  You will also find that life circumstances do not stress you out too much either.  If my energy is limited, I am not going to spend it on worrying about a change at work or the dent in the car that just happened or the $1000 home owners' insurance deductible that came with the recent storm. I refuse to let circumstances rob me of my peace.  Now, I am not God.  I have my limitations, but I have exponentially more power to turn off my internal stress alarm than I did when I was healthy.  When you are sick all the time, those kind of circumstances are seen through a much different lens.

Guess what?  When you are a calm and peaceful person like that, you attract healthy, calm, peaceful people into your life!  I would love to have my health back, but I would not want to trade this amazing positive that has come out of having chronic health symptoms!

Here is another positive:  my kids have learned a level of empathy and compassion they would not have otherwise learned. That helps me let go of the grief that they do not have a mom who can do all the fun things with them they would like me to do.

Here is a fourth positive.  I  have mentioned this one before.  It is that pain reminds me I am alive. Every day is a blessing, a reminder that I get to enjoy my family, my friends, and my job.  That is a welcome reminder. Pain reminds me I could have died in my accident.  Pain reminds me that I did not die in that accident.  Pain reminds me that I am so blessed with wonderful people and experiences in my life. I do not mean that in a masochistic way.  I am just saying that you can always re-frame something negative into something positive.  Look to see the good that comes out of the negative.

Fifthly, I have learned to live in the moment, not speed on to the next goal.  I still have goals, but they are done in "turtle mode".  I get to smell the roses along the way because I am not plowing speedily ahead to the next race, the next goal.  Life is usually wonderful, or at the worst case scenario, more tolerable if we embrace living in the moment.

Finally, I have learned to respect my body.  This is the body I have.  It is not bad.  It does not have to be perfect.  It has needs.  I have learned to honor those needs and to value balance.  I no longer try to work 50 hours a week.  I no longer try to have the house looking perfect. I listen to my body.  Sometimes that means crazy things like using paper plates for a week so the dishes do not pile up on the counter. Sometimes it means going to bed at six p.m. How many people in their early thirties embrace listening to their body's needs?  Yeah, I am not thirty, not even close, but I did have to learn this at thirty one.

Being peaceful, my kids learning compassion, appreciating the good in your life, mindfully enjoying the moment, respecting my body, these are positives that have come out of my having chronic health symptoms.  I would trade my illness, but I would not trade my journey-the positives my illness has taught me about life.  What are the positives that have come out of your illness? How often do you allow yourself to embrace those positives? Make a list.  Look at it daily.  Remind yourself that good always eventually comes out of the painful things in our lives.