Getting Your Needs Met: Part 2

Understanding your physical and emotional needs and being able to communicate them in a healthy way is an absolute necessity if you are going to get your needs met.  Your needs are ultimately your responsibility, but we are all social beings, and being social requires healthy communication.

I have found that the best and most efficient method of identifying and communicating needs was established by Marshall Rosenberg in his book, Nonviolent Communication. He also has numerous Youtube videos. If you go to the website https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory, you will find a printable list of "needs inventory", as well as a list of printable emotions "feelings when your needs are satisfied" and "feelings when your needs are not satisfied".

The basic categories of emotional needs that every human being has are:  connection, physical well-being, honesty, play, peace, autonomy, and meaning.  Rosenberg give the simple suggested form of stating "I need....would you be willing to....?".   

I have found that those of us with chronic illness have to work all the harder at communicating these needs because it is seldom that we are need-free, and I don't know about you, but when my needs go unmet for too long, it is not easy to be the person I want to be.  That it, it is not easy to be patient and kind and respectful. When  you have been suffering from severe pain or debilitating symptoms for hours on end, it is easy to become demanding or depressed.

So, take a few moments, practice mindfulness.  Sit, breath deeply, count your breaths, and ask yourself, what is your body feeling right now?  What do your mind and body need?  I have often found that if I am feeling irritable, it is probably a sign that I have ignored my health needs for that day for too long. Listen to your body.  Do you need one of your prn meds? If that is not an option, or if you do not want to deal with the side effects of medications at that time, then look at that needs list from the nvc website.  How can you ask for or create more peace, more physical well being, more autonomy or connection or honesty or meaning.  For me, when my symptoms are flaring, it is a sign I need peace/quiet.  I will often go to my room, which is my haven.  My kids know, they can always knock, but that they have to be quiet.  We might talk softly or watch a movie together or color together or read.  Sometimes, I let them know that I am struggling and need rest and quiet and that they are welcome to join me later. I also might let my husband know, "I need to eat, would you be willing to bring me up something to eat?".  I have often asked my son, "I'm not feeling well; would you be willing to bring up my medications?"

There is no shame in admitting you need help.  Every human being needs others. Let others know what you need but do so in a gentle and respectful yet assertive way that gives them permission to say no.

Reference:  Rosenberg, Marshall.  (2003). Nonviolent Communication. Encinitas, California: Puddledancer Press