Getting Your Needs Met: Part 1

In living with chronic illness, it is easy to feel like one's needs are never fully met and sometimes even completely void. Depression, irritability, and anxiety can easily set in at this point.  Remember that the journey is about balance between radically accepting what you cannot change and taking responsibility for everything that you can.

Let's begin by looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  Maslow theorized that needs flow in a hierarchy; higher level needs cannot be addressed or even valued until the lower level needs are met.

Physiological needs include: food, water, sleep, shelter, clothing, and breathing.  Chronic illness can certainly make these needs difficult to meet. If you cannot work, how do you find enough financial resources to meet these needs? If pain keeps you awake, you do you meet the need for sleep?  If you cannot get to the grocery store, how do you meet the need for food? Here is where it is so important to understand the resources that are available and the power you have to attain these resources.  How can you be more creative about developing an income that works with your symptoms, an income where your symptoms do not threaten  your ability to maintain that income?  Look outside of the box.  Here is where your disability becomes an asset; you are forced to be more creative at problem solving.  Many people with disabilities find online ways to make money. How can you turn your skills and interests into a marketable need for others in a way that does not impair your disability?  Get creative, have fun with this one, and do not get discouraged if it does not succeed as quickly as you would like.

Many people with disabilities learn the art of bartering. Perhaps a friend can do your grocery shopping for you, and you can cook a meal for them.  Perhaps you are skilled at flower arrangement and your neighbor has the time to come clean.  Look outside of the box.

Finally, do not feel guilty about utilizing government resources.  Most of us have paid into Social Security and Medicare at some point in our lives. Needing to utilize it is not taking from society.  Most counties have food banks as do many churches. States have state run medical insurance (Medicaid).  Many states have subsidized housing including: Section 8 voucher, Section 8 project based, Public Housing, etc.  United Way keeps a list of resources available in every state and in many other countries. In the United States, you can dial 211 to access United Way.

Find ways to get these basic physiological needs met so that you can move to the next level of needs.

Safety needs include: personal security, financial security, emotional security, health and well being, and safety against the negative impacts of accidents or illness. Ah, there's the rub, eh?  So, we all have illness, chronic illness.  The trick here is not to become symptom free.  The trick is to keep symptoms manageable enough that the symptoms do not prevent needs from getting met.  This sounds so abstract, so let's break it down.  Can you work outside of the home and maintain safety physically and emotionally?  What do you need in order for that to happen?  Do you need a cane, a wheel chair, hearing aides, a personal care attendant, work accommodations, limited hours, medications? Be open to what accommodations you need in order to keep safe while working.  If there are absolutely no options for maintaining safety while working outside of the home, then it is time to get creative about finding work you can do from home or finding those resources we talked about earlier.

That is just work though.  What accommodations might you need in order to maintain safety at home? Call your health insurance and talk with your doctor or a local social worker about devices that can assist with safety at home.

Emotional safety:  read the "Americans With Disabilities Act" as well as the Constitution.  Educate yourself about what your rights are.  Many people with disabilities end up facing fear and harm by not knowing what their rights are or what local advocacy resources are available.  If you do not know, ask your doctor or call your county.  Set boundaries with others.  Let them know what you need.  Ask if they are willing to assist you.   Most people feel joyful to be able to assist.  Do not feel guilty for this, or you will rob them of their joy.  Instead, pay it forward. I have a cousin who is very disabled who regularly posts about the joys in her life.  Do you know how many lives she touches and inspires with these posts!  You have no idea how valuable you are to your community. Be ready to say "no".  Be ready to kindly ask for help. Know your rights and the authority that is set in place to protect your rights.

We've already talked about financial security.  Let's talk about health and well being.  For most of us, this is not about becoming symptom free.  That is a battle we likely will not win and thus would be spending energy we do not need to spend.  The key here is managing symptoms enough that we are able to create a life we enjoy.  Enjoyment does not need to be about vacations or a big house or climbing the corporate ladder.  Enjoyment is about mindfulness: the ability to live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is.  

• Go outside, feel the breeze, take in the rays of the sun, watch the birds, look at the waves, put artwork in your home that brings you pleasure and peace.  
• Get to your doctors.  Follow their directions. Do not give up when a med does not work; instead let your doctor know and ask to try a different medication.  If the side effects outweigh the benefits, let your doctor know that.
• Exercise regularly if it is safe to do so.
• Eat healthy-lots of vegetables and fruit, healthy proteins and fats, low carbohydrates and sugars.
• Go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning.  Create a relaxing environment in your bedroom.
• Do not do things in the evening that make it difficult to relax and go to sleep at night.
• Train your mind to focus so your thoughts do not prevent you from being able to relax and go to sleep:  count your breaths as you tell each muscle in your body to relax, count the ticking on the clock or the cars you hear passing by.  You cannot count and let your mind race at the same time.

These are ways you can own responsibility and power in this area of your health so that you can create a life you want, a life you enjoy.

Love, belonging, esteem, and self actualization can happen after these lower level needs have been met, but for those with chronic physical symptoms, or mental health symptoms,  much time and energy has to be placed on these lower level needs.  Focus your energy there first, and then you can move forward with these higher needs.  Then you can start to look online for ways to connect, check out Meetup to find groups with similar interests or even similar disabilities to yours.  Find camps for people with chronic health.  In Minneapolis, we have a non-profit that has social groups for people with chronic illness. Find a local church group.  Reach out to your neighbors.  Yes, these things take energy.  They also take the courage to explain that because of your disability, you may have to change plans.  Most people will be flexible.  If they are not, then they are not the kind of people you want in your life anyways.

Be open and honest with family and close friends about what you need.  Perhaps you need connection but in a quiet room with no lights that can trigger migraines.  Perhaps sitting and reading together is a way to connect that does not trigger health symptoms.  Watch a movie together. Play a board game.  I have discovered that my two little nephews bring me immense joy, so while I cannot physically take care of the two of them without help, I love when my sister brings them over and we play with them together.  Add these kinds of activities back into your life in ways that work for you.

Do not be afraid to try things thinking you may fail due to your health.  You might, but how will you know if you do not try.  Give yourself extra time to accomplish them.  If you want to take a class, maybe ask for the syllabus a month in advance so you have extra time to process.  I have two stuffed turtles in my room.  They remind me that no matter how slowly I go, movement is still movement.  Surround yourself with others who are working towards similar goals.  You may be surprised to learn that even healthy people are struggling with those goals, and you can motivate and encourage each other.

Once all the lower level needs are met, focus on how you can contribute to your world in a way that energizes you.  What is it about who you are that brings the world joy and brings you joy?  Did you used to teach elementary school?  Find ways to teach others. Did you used to be a lawyer?  Find ways to help others obtain information about their legal rights.  This is not about what  you do.  This is about finding strategies to "be" who you are in a way that contributes to others and brings you joy. Do you hate injustice?  Role model peace and egalitarianism.  You have no idea how many lives you will touch.

Where are you on Maslow's pyramid?  What are you doing in each stage to move forward with honoring your needs?

Reference: Wikipedia, July 8, 2018.