Positive Self Talk

"Self talk", it is such a buzz phrase.  It truly is at the crux of mental health. Self talk is the subconscious chatter in the back of our head.  In our fast-paced, distracted culture, it is very difficult to identify self talk.  These are not just the messages we say about ourselves.  Here is a common list of self talk categories:

I am statements
I should statements
People are/people think/people expect...
Men are ....
Men should...
Women are...
Women should...
Everyone one...
No one...
Life is...
Life should be...
God is...
God should...
My body is...

These statements are not always bad, but they do lead to core beliefs about ourselves, God, and the world, so it is important to catch them, identify them, and if they are unhealthy, re-frame them.

Here is an example.  I caught myself at work one day telling myself things like, "My head hurts; I don't feel good."  Imagine how a person would feel about their job if this is the chatter in your head associated with your time at work!  So I re-framed it. "I am honoring my body by listening to it and taking the medications I need.  I am honoring my spirit by doing a rewarding job that I love."  Imagine the difference in my mood and the meaning I felt in my job that day!

Here's another one, "My body is not good enough." Remember, the disease causes problems in functioning, but your body itself is not bad.  One causes shame; the other is just a fact.  One is a judgment; the other is a statement.

How about this one, "This isn't fair.  My peers are able to have a great job, be in a relationship, enjoy traveling..."  The whole "life isn't fair" statement will only get you depressed and bitter.  Entitlement does not get us anywhere in life, nor does it encourage empathy. At best, others will pity you, which is not what you want.

Here's a big one, "People are selfish; no one cares."  Trust me, that belief will never help you. How about, "I am so blessed by the people in my life who do care. I want to give back by expressing my gratitude and helping others when I can."

"Should".  Get rid of all your "shoulds".  They get us stuck instead of moving forward.  Replace them with "I could...".  (And not "I could if only", just "I could...")

Stay away from judgments.  Observe what you see, hear, etc.  Then focus on what you need.  Ask yourself how you can get that need met.  Be creative.

Here are some positive self talk statements I have worked on since being diagnosed:

• I do not need everyone's love and approval
• I am perfect enough.
• I am powerful.
• I am more powerful than I think I am.
• God is always good.
• I am not entitled to health, wealth, an easy life.
• I am thankful for what I have.
• Focus on the good in others.
• I set healthy boundaries.
• My body is not bad. 
• I am not weak.
• I feel more peaceful when my home is in order, so I will use less distraction to deal with physical pain and will ask for more help when I need it.
• Many people care.
• I am not entitled to an easy life or a healthy life; this is not yet heaven.
• God is always with me so I am never alone.
• I am honoring my spirit by working.
• I am honoring my body by exercising, eating healthy, getting good sleep, taking medications.
• God doesn't owe me anything but has given me more than I deserve.
• Life is stable
• Life is good.
• When I don't feel good, I know how to get my needs met.
• If today is not a good symptom day, tomorrow is a new day.
• It is okay to state what I need.
• Life is always a gift.
• Pain reminds me that I could have died in my accident and instead get to enjoy marriage, kids, my job.  Pain reminds me that I am still alive.
• I do not have to do things that make my health worse, and I definitely do not need to feel guilty about not doing those things.
• I am happier working.
• I can create comfort; I do not need to turn to food for comfort.
• God cares.
• God weeps with me when I weep.
• What I do with my life has eternal value.  Even if I am stuck in bed, my attitude can encourage others.
• My disease might make me quieter, but my being calm brings others and myself peace.
• My kids have a peaceful mom.  That matters more than being able to go and do things.
• My kids get to learn empathy (instead of the dreaded "My kids have to grow up too fast because of my health").
• My symptoms have taught me...........and that makes my life better than it was before.

What is your self chatter when it comes to your health?  Begin to identify it.  Then re-frame it in a way that motivates you to stay positive.